2003-06-06
I think I'm having some sort of depression over lost youth or some crap I dunno. My brothers both have serious girlfriends now and I hate it. I feel like they are gonna run off and get married and start having puppies any day. This scares the ba-jesus out of me. I'm not ready for my family as I know it to end. I don't want nieces or nephews and I do NOT want "sister-in-law's" whatever that means. Maybe I'm being retarded but I just don't want them to grow up maybe because it means I'll have to and I never want to be an adult. My whole life everything has always changed my address many many times, my boyfriends, my schools, my body. But the one constant has been thats it's always been Me mom Mike and Josh. I'm not ready to share that with anyone and I don't want to ever. They are the only constant that I have ever known and I feel like it's all gonna end soon, not expand. I feel like someones dying. It's really weird. I wonder if this is how they felt when I moved in with Mark? I doubt it. I'm selfish and I know it, I want them to be happy but I guess I just want to keep them and everything the way it is. I hope this all takes atleast 5 years. I hate change, everything always has to fucking change. I just never thought my family would. I just can't believe most people are happy when this shit happens! What? Not me. Maybe I just ate some bad fruit and I'm feeling nostalgic I dunno but I hate change. Whatever I have to poop. I think my fevers have damaged my fragile little mind. Yeah thats it..I'm crazy not sappy! Sweeeet. That reminds my go send your problems to assclowns.diaryland.com ok? We'll figure something out about the emails becuase I was getting way too much spam of people getting my new diary with honestyonly confused with this one. But I know some of you like it to be private. I'll have it fixed by monday. I'm home alone all sat and sun so call me I'm bored dammit! 720-936-7731. No pranking, it's lame. You guys aren't even creative. Tonight me and my Marklar squishy time. Tomorrow he starts his foose ball thing all weekend.
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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