Bob McGoogle

the man behind the mullet

An interview/biography type thingy for BobMcGoogle (BM) by HonestyOnly (HO).

HO: What is your name?

BM: Leah B [a.k.a. the fastest pooper in town].

HO: There's been some contraversary, are you a boy or a girl?

BM: Hmm that's a toughy, right now my crotch is bleeding so I guess I'll have to say. . . boy or girl, shit I don't know.

HO: How old are you?

BM: I'm old enough to not be illegal yet young enough for people to think you're a dirty old man for being with me:-) Or 23.

HO: What's your sign?

BM: Aquarius, but I should be a Gemini because it's like two different people when you read my journal. One day I'm normal and talking about my poop, then BAM! I go head first into some whacko drama story. Keeps people on their toes.

HO: Where do you live, like city and state?

BM: Why, do you want to stalk me? I'd like a stalker. It might be fun to be watched muhahahah. Yeah, nobody likes me. Bow:-( I'll give you a hint, it's right by the city where Columbine happened in Colorado or you could look in my location thingy on my d-land profile.

HO: What is your favorite snack, be specific?

BM: Ok well I don't have just one but I do have a few that might temp your taste buds. I love eating boullion cubes and hard noodles, your spit makes it soup! I love eating a whole thing of chocolate frosting when I'm on my period. And I also love lemon juice over pancakes, really, try it sometime. he he he he (This bio accepts no responsibility for destroyed taste buds).

HO: Are you in love?

BM: Yup. He's perfection with a huge snoze (HO note: not exactly sure what a snoze is, maybe it's code for dick) that drives me crazy. He's the sweetest man I've ever met and he's helped me to see some of the roles placed on women and how wrong they are. He loves me even when I cannot love myself. He's the other half of me.

HO: Who is he/she?

BM: Wouldn't you like to know. It's an IT. She/he is a hermaphrodite named Beaker.

HO: What do you do on an average day?

BM: Get up at 6am, curse God that I have to get out of my comfy warm bed. Then I go work out then run home to throw down some craphole food, usually Malt-o-Meal, thanks Mom! I curse God for the malt-o-meal. Then I get ready for school and head out the door and hurry my ass to catch the bus before I freeze my nads off waiting for it outside cursing God. I ride 2 different buses to get to school, then go to my classes come home and curse God that I have homework, do it. Then I watch a little tv, look at the clock that says midnight, curse God, then go to sleep to do the same bullshit again. Goddamnit.

HO: Do you have any kids?

BM: Um short answer FUCK NO and hopefully by the time they take out my IUD my woman crap will have fucking dried up and shriveled. I actually want to have fun and NOT be like like everyone else. People who have kids usually have horrible lives and do nothing but complain about how horrible and time comsuming it is, how fucked up their bodies are, how they never have sex anymore, and how they are always fucking broke. Sound like fun to you? NOT TO ME! I have a brain and I say "Just say no!" Try telling more people who WANT kids that they might change their minds on day and hopefully they will and there wont be so many stinky nasty screaming babies around my neighborhood ruining my sleepy saturdays. I guess that was a long version, no actually I could go on forever on this one. But I would like to add that there is ONE and only ONE person I know with a kid who had NEVER complained and actually really likes having him around and that's my Ang (a.k.a. HO). I think most people do it because they have been programmed to think that that's what they are supposed to do. You're not a dog, get birth control would ya? sheesh.

HO: Do you have any pets?

BM: Yes! Tadapoo and Bob they are my furry feline friends. Both are orange and purr a lot.

HO: Why are you so weird?

BM: I am? Doesn't everyone have a booger collection on their wall?

HO: Do you have issues?

BM: Yes with EVERYTHING especially women who aren't feminist, you're a woman and you AREN'T a feminist? WHAT THE FUCK is wrong with you?

HO: Who is the funniest person you know?

BM: Hahahahah. Hands down, myself! Didn't see that one coming did you?

HO: Name 1 or 2 people that you really admire and why?

BM: Well I really admire women and men who aren't afraid to break the norms of our society like Ang and my Marklar (HO note: The guy with the big snoze.) He's a feminist and isn't afraid of a strong woman like me. Why shouldn't he be one? He has a sister, a mother and a girlfriend. More importantly why isn't everyone? Ang is a feminist also and a single mother and no she's not desperate to find a husband, she's doing all on her own and doing awesome! She breaks all the rules for what being a mom is, and I love, appreciate and admire that about her. (HO note: I paid her to say that. ;) )

HO: Do you get along with your family?


HO: What is your philosophy on life?

BM: Break all the rules and do it your way, if you have the brains and the guts to figure it out and follow through. Most don't.

HO: Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

BM: I don't, I live for today and hope tomorrow is better.

HO: What does success mean to you?

BM: It means having a happy life where I know I did exactly what I wanted to do and didn't settle for anything or anyone. I want to look back and know I made a differece in one woman's life concerning our issues. I want to know I helped. I also want to one day have a bonfire of wedding dresses.

HO: What makes you really really happy?

BM: Pissing off traditionalist thinking people who can't see anything else but what they have been programmed to want. Oh and of course seeing Marklars sweet sweet ass. Oh baby, oh yeah, mmm . . .

HO: What really really pisses you off?

BM: Um young girls who dream of becoming mothers when they don't even know what they want to major in college yet. How the hell can you know that but you don't have any idea what you want to do before you become a baby factory?

HO: Now, say something super duper nice about your interviewer to stroke her ego shamelessly and then forward this to at least 10 people or else you will have horrible luck for the next 50 years.

BM: Ang can suck my balls for making me do this stupid questionaire which I did not want to do cuz BIOs are anal and no one ever reads them. (HO note: It's the first thing I look for when I find a new diary!) But Ang is also the coolest woman I've ever met who shares my views on quite a lot of things. I think she's opening her eyes . . . Muhahahahahah! Love you! Muuwahhh!


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