2003-08-04
I was working out this morning and I started to think about him with another girl in our bed. I couldn't breathe, I had to leave. I got home and I was balling over the place. We held each other all night crying. This is so hard. It would be better maybe if we were angry at each other or didn't still love each other but I was miserable here for years and I couldn't make it work because I was depressed and didn't want to be here. I missed my family and my friends. And he loves it out here. I think that if I wouldn't have been so depressed I could have made a life out here and then things with us would have worked out but I just couldn't and now it's either him or leave. I stayed with him these 3 years and I couldn't fix it because I couldn't fix me here. So now I'm going home where I know I have friends and support. He tried but he just couldn't fix me. I need to do it. But I do still love you Mark. I will always love you. I am and will always be in love with you that didn't change, I just couldn't love me. I pray that one day we'll be given a second chance because I know in my soul you are the one.
If I could just sleep a little bit. If I could just turn off my brain and stop the flood of memories from our life together and the horrible images I put in there myself of who will replace me. I know you thought we were just friends but we weren't. I loved you and still do but it made it easier to say our relationship turned to friendship and that's why it ended but it wasn't that. It ended because I couldn't handle it here and I was sad all the time and you couldn't fix it and that made you feel bad about yourself. And on those days when I was angry and lonely I took it out on you and I'm sorry. I know I need to leave in my head, I wish someone would explain it to my heart because it just keeps saying you each other so why leave?
Can anyone explain that?
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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