2005-05-09
Lately I've been thinking a lot about destiny. What does it have in store for me and if I go through with this will I have changed what once was supposed to be my life? I never planned or saw myself getting married and having kids, I always thought that was boring and typical. I thought I'd finish college and live a fabulous life I built not someone else. Nothing holding holding me down or back, no husband or kids. Just me fighting through life while screaming like a banshee. Maybe I was wrong in thinking I was special or different, maybe I am just like every other person, you grow up, you get married you have kids then you die. Thats how I see it anyways. We don't get along that well, not anymore anyways. We both have explosive tempers and we both judge others A LOT and leave ourselves out of that judgement. I don't find very many nice things about his family or values or his upbringing. There's a lot about him I don't agree with. There is his past, his temper, his ideas about kids, his ideas about me, his family, his idea of whats right and wrong. We are in the true sense opposites. We don't agree on anything. I am a feminist, he used to get girls to suck his dick to get back stage. I don't like to go otu much or be the center of attention, he CRAVES that. A friend of his brought these things to my attention today plus someother stuff like is it all worth it? I will never change him, his family will always be there like termites in my house, they will have their fingers in everythign I do from now on for the rest of my life. He says our life is exactly like Everybody Loves Raymond and I agree. The only thing I don't agree on is that its funny. I always looked at Debra and felt sorry for her. I always wished she'd just run far far away. He says I'm the Debra. Is that my destiny? Will I also hate my life 10 years from now?
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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