Bob McGoogle

The BEST argument I have EVER heard against lap dancing.

It's from my girl Angela Now you know why I love her so much.

Yes, I'm an immoral heathen, but that's not the point!

Wednesday, Sept. 03, 2003

I will admit several things right off the bat, before I go into my little rant that will probably have everyone and their dog arguing with me because you people are all sick fucking perverts! Like me. But keep in mind, the only reason for the following soul purging is only to prove to you that I am by no means perfect, nor do I consider myself so. I'm not casting judgement here, I'm simply trying to get to the facts. That being said, my confessions are as follows:

I have cheated on boyfriends.

I have slept with a married man.

I have gone to see male strippers.

I have gone to see female strippers.

I look at porn.

Obviously, I am not exactly the picture perfect of sexual correctness, or whatever the fuck you want to call it. But I saw a movie this weekend, that got me to thinking about an issue that just won't shut the hell up inside my brain. It's an issue I've thought about many, many times before, so it's not exactly new, but it was revived by said movie.

That movie was Women vs. Men. The title alone, of course, made me want to rent it. Then the fact that Paul Reiser is in it and I want to hump his brains out. But anyway, in the movie, two men (including Paul), who are both married, go to a strip club after one of the guys has a fight with his wife. It shows the guys getting lap dances from the strippers.

Now I've seen lap dances before, I know what they are about. But holy fucking shit, the only thing that is stopping sexual intercourse is one or two thin layers of clothing! They might as well be fucking!!

So this begs the question in my mind: How is this NOT cheating? Which is what men argue ALL THE TIME - that it is not cheating. How is a married man having some strange woman rubbing her naked tits in his face and her bare ass on his crotch NOT cheating?

Because that's what strip clubs are about, you say? Because he's paying her to simulate sex? FUCK ME! that makes it worse! That makes him a pig and her a whore! So he paid her and she's "doing her job." So what? The fact remains that there's a naked woman dry humping the man! If it were any other random woman not getting paid to do it, it would be considered cheating. Would it not?

If you caught you wife or girlfriend at a bar sitting on some guys lap, grinding away, her tits shoved in his face, fully clothed, are you telling me that you would not consider that cheating? Vice versa for the ladies? I want to know. I seriously want to know. And don't tell me it's different for strip clubs, because it fucking is not!

And just as an end note here, I'm only referring to married people and people in committed relationships. All of the above behavior is perfectly acceptable if you are single. At least in my book. Speaking of which, I could really use a lap dance right about now.

Man that's gold.


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