Welcome to Happy Land!

I wish I could get you out of my mind, this is scarey.
2004-03-16

I've been on an emotional rollercoaster lately. It's weird and scarey how a harsh word from someone who's basically a stranger to you can just take you from a happy place of feeling like love is possible again one day to feeling like you are nothing. Maybe I shouldn't allow people to do that to me but it's what makes me, me. I love my friends and appreciate those who have stood by me. But there are times when I get lonely and I look and there's no one around. Lately thats how its felt to me. I miss her so much it's killing me. She taught me so much in such a short time. I feel like I learned 10 years worth of living from her then I have form anyone else in my whole life. And him, well he makes me feel..well, thats complicated. He makes me feel unsure about everything even myself. He scares me and at the same time he makes me feel comfortable that he's not out to TRY to hurt me, even though he has a lot since I've met him. Everytime I see him I feel like a young little girl with a huge crush. The blood rushes to my face and I find myself wanting to hide and watch him from a far. I dream about being in his arms which may never happen because I also scare him. I'm scared to feel this way again about someone because me and my love life has been a mess since Mark. But I think if we take it very slow and be careful this could be beautiful or blow up in my face. Who knows life is crazy. Knowing my luck nothing will happen.

Cat lassoing? Sure why not.
2004-03-15

So I thought I could go out for the rodeo if this oral surgeon assistant thing doesn't work out. I practiced by trying to lasso my cat Bob. He wasn't very cooperative, but i eventually got him. I wrassled that varmit to the ground and hog tied him good. Then I tried to ride him..that's another story and very painful for all involved.