2005-08-29
Its so wonderful to be married to a gu who only cares about his pain or whats bothering him. Oh wait he cares about me and how fucked up my wrist and back are after doing what he had me do when its convienient for him. Yeah I probably spelled that word wrong but who cares. Other then that its "Leah open this, push that, do this" then later its so hows your back? Hmm let me think..IT HURTS YOU SELFISH BASTARD. Thanks for re aggrevating it again. He doesnt care as long as I do what Im told to do. So if he doesnt care then why should I? I'm not wearing makeup anymore or doing my hair or wearing cute clothes, who cares? Nobody notices and its really just a headache for me to have to keep up with something no one gives a flying fuck whether I do or not. I'll still shower of course and brush my teeth but thats about it. I'm getting used to feeling like shit about myself since Ive known him. Its all always about him and his needs and his feelings, Im just supposed to sit and smile and open my legs whenever hes in the mood and half the time its just for 5 seconds till hes done and then he wonders why I feel like a cum dumpster. I really can pick winners cant I? Its really my fault. I saw this shit coming and I didnt stop myself so now I have to live with the consquences.
2005-08-29
Its so wonderful to be married to a gu who only cares about his pain or whats bothering him. Oh wait he cares about me and how fucked up my wrist and back are after doing what he had me do when its convienient for him. Yeah I probably spelled that word wrong but who cares. Other then that its "Leah open this, push that, do this" then later its so hows your back? Hmm let me think..IT HURTS YOU SELFISH BASTARD. Thanks for re aggrevating it again. He doesnt care as long as I do what Im told to do. So if he doesnt care then why should I? I'm not wearing makeup anymore or doing my hair or wearing cute clothes, who cares? Nobody notices and its really just a headache for me to have to keep up with something no one gives a flying fuck whether I do or not. I'll still shower of course and brush my teeth but thats about it. I'm getting used to feeling like shit about myself since Ive known him. Its all always about him and his needs and his feelings, Im just supposed to sit and smile and open my legs whenever hes in the mood and half the time its just for 5 seconds till hes done and then he wonders why I feel like a cum dumpster. I really can pick winners cant I? Its really my fault. I saw this shit coming and I didnt stop myself so now I have to live with the consquences.
2005-08-26
My wrist and my back are completely fucked. They hurt so bad I can't see straight. It just seems like no one gives a shit unless its happening to them. Or its a day or two later THEN they care. I am in a lot of pain and honestly nobody cares. They will still have me lift shit and move shit and all that, they dont care. I seem to be in some self destruct phase. I dont want to eat anymore, Im not sleeping too well, and I almost enojoy hurting myself. I have no urge to stop this. Atleast I care, I guess that'll have to be enough.
2005-08-25
So I started writing a childrens book, don't ask. Its actually going to be a series of books. I'm not going to try to get them published, I just wanted to finally make them.
Things pretty much blow right now at work, at home, in my head. We have absolutely no money. He likes to yell at me all the time. Am I that bad that he no matter what I say he has to yell and get mad that everything isnt perfect? I got tossed into this crazy mess with his shop and his fruit cake family whom I cant stand and I get yelled at when Im not feeling so great abotu how things are going. Its like Im not allowed to get upset at anything they do. I have to be mature and just see that its coming from people who dont know any better. My mom always said if a blood sucker is stuck to your arm, GET IT OFF STUPID! Thats what I feel like. A bunch of bloodsuckers stuck to me and I cant get them off. Actually according to him Im not supposed to. No matter how horrible they are I just have to eat it and smile. No matter how bad things go at work I have to eat it and smile. Im not allowed to get upset over anything they do to me or else I get screamed at, even if Im crying. That just makes him yell louder at me till my eardrums ring. My back is killing me today. He had me move a bunch of computers, faxes and large boxes that weighed a shitload. After I hurt my back real bad 2 years ago it always hurts but now its on fire. Still though for being a so petite and only 4'11 I can work pretty hard, it just hurts really bad. god I hope he doesnt make me move anything else, my back HURTS. If I refuse or complain he'll explode again so I guess if I have to then I have to. Anything is better then getting him mad at me. Thats scarey.
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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