| one last thing on my mind tonight....2002-02-12
well i think the reason i havent made any really good new friends out here is because i really like to get to know people. like really in their brains and down deep. thats what i consider a real friend. not these people you call up every now and then and are like hey wanna go to the bar? no thats not for me. i really like to get to know people so well i can see them through and through. i like knowing how someone is feeling just by the sound of their voice or the look on their face and that they know how im feeling at that very moment. which is why you can see why its been so hard for me to find that. i like people to be real to me but i dont want another friend with a drama case that is in contast crisis. are there any gilrs like that out in denver? if so...please i need you! its boring and lonely!!! god i wish kat lived out here. shes real, and she a real person. i think people view her as happy and joyful all the time but i know you cant be like that all then time and you need others who can see that about you. i see that kat. you cant hide it from me. marks like that, he wants everything happy and peaceful all the time at all costs he'll avoid a fight. but you cant be happy everyday, some days your just depressed or angry and you dont know why. you need someone to go to and be like hey im sad today and they can be like hey girl i know what your talking about. not get all weepy and be like dont i make you happy? grr!!!! being a girl sucks ass sometimes. i wonder if guys ever wake up feeling like that. ill ask my bros sometime. i just wish i had someone out here that i could hang out with that didnt annoy meor that their lives are such a mess all the time. or theres those people that think i have a fucking dollar sign on my goddamn forehead. im tired of people asking me for money!!!! man! i dont mean to sound like a dick but ok heres an example. i havent heard from naa in a long time, then out of the blue she calls me for what..to see how im doing, see if want to hang out? nope. she needs money. of course and michelle did it too. when i got back from mi she calls me a couple days later and says hey umm i need a thousand dollars can i borrow it from you? thanks. thats really nice. i see her now. i finally realized that the type of friend im looking for isnt going to come so easily its got to be someone who really wants a real bf you know? that one person who sees you ..completely. and right now no one does except for maybe kat. but she hasnt really had a chance to dive into my brain yet but i can tell she wants to and i like that. i thought michelle was that for me but i guess not. im not angry with her but its like i just dont care what is going on with her anyone even though yes i know i mention her a lot but thats because this whole me being forced to her wedding was bothering me. but im done with that. have a nice life poopy ill miss you, or atleast the you that you used to be. next....
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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