| Guilty depressing days.2002-12-02
Super dude died today. I feel so guilty because I knew there was something last week but I didnt take him to the vet. Why did I wait? I could have saved him. Now I feel horrible. He had this stuff on his butt but I thought it was from the other hamster Teddy, forcing him to stay in the little tower all day so he couldnt clean himself. I thought once I moved him he would get better. If I would have moved faster he might still be alive. God I feel horrible. Its like when I was a kid and I found this baby bird on the ground that had fallen out of its nest. I tried to put it back but the next day it was on the ground again. So I decided to take care of it. I made a little nest and tried to feed it, but it died or so I thought. It wasnt moving so I figured it died and I buried it. But then when I was done I saw dirt moving so I unburied it and it was still alive! But a few hours later it died and I knew it was my fault cuz I buried it alive. Shit like that never leaves you. I have always felt horrible for that little bird and now my hamster. Im not getting anymore animals ever again. I just cant take it when something goes wrong.
This weekend blew. Everybody at work was in a shitty mood and it spread throughout the store. I wish I could warn Rosaline that shes going to talk to her but I cant. They ruined the happy bubble I had for that place. Every day I loathed going in there but once I was there I was very chipper and happy and I felt great by the time I left. Now its just another craphole place I have to go to to be able to get paid. That blows. It was fun going to work knowing you would leave feeling better then when you arrived. Im just really depressed today. I wish I could go back to bed and sleep today away. I wish I felt more happy today, maybe it will come back at work and we can all leave happier then when we arrived again? Who knows. We shall see if BBW can pull that off.
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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