2004-03-20
So is this your punishment God? Because I left one of your chosen ones? Am I being puinshed because I left him? Do you think its fun to hurt me? Watch me find a person whom I think could I could love but ALWAYS they never find me good enough? Is that your fucking plan? Torture me until I die? Why don't you just kill my heart and let me rest in pieces on the floor and not feel anymore. Why am I never good enough or what someones looking for. Whats so fucking wrong with me? Why is it that every guy I like will not like me back? When will I be forgiven for leaving Mark? Why must I learn how to harden my heart so I can just "get over it" when someone I care about hurts me? Why can't I do it? Why does it hurt so bad? Why are you punishing me? I'm sorry ok? I'm sorry I left him and walked away form love but I was in pain too you know. And now it feels like I am destined to be alone, if thats what your will is then so be it. I'm tired of being hurt and feeling rejected. It's all I know anymore and I'm tired of it. So fuck it all. There is no right guy out, there was only the dream of mr. right and he's already told me I'm not right so fuck it all. And fuck you for letting me hurt like this. Rejection is all I know anymore. I'm just not good enough I guess.
2004-03-18
Soooo bored. Damn this sucks. I hate being bored and worried with nothing to do but wait. If I don't get this job it will sucks balls but I have to believe there is a good reason for it. I definately believe in fate and it has a plan for me. Hopefully it includes a great job soon that pays really good:-) Michelle still hasn't paid us yet and I'm running out of money. God I hope I get this job. Happy thoughts, keep the happy thoughts. But in the meantime I'm bored out of my mind and it blows. Got any ideas?
HAPPY LINK TIME!
about ~ archives ~ current cast ~ profile ~ rings ~ email ~ guestbook ~ notes ~ host
