| Will it be a lifetime of loniness and waiting for someone who doesn't have time or even care when he does?2004-10-02
Jesus fucking christ why do you still care about her? I stopped talking to Erik but oh no you have to keep talking to Sommer. Why can't this chick just go away you might ask? BECAUSE YOU WONt MAKE HER! Jesus I'm so tired of her I could fucking puke. Look I know I told him he could talk to her but I guess I was wrong to hope that he wouldn't want to. As soon as she she calls him and says hey I'm in jail he's all fucking over it. My heart is pounding so hard it feels like its gonna come right out of my chest. And he doesn't even care how it would make me feel. He's fucking sleeping on the goddamn couch. I'm tired of this shit. He just wants a friend he doesn't want a girlfriend. He wants another chick to hang out with. That's ALL! I wonder how he would truely feel if I kept talking to Erik. I doubt he'd feel very comfortable about it but I know he wouldn't tell me. I'm feeling very hurt right now. He has barely spent anytime with me all day and I know he's been busy but he could atleast pay a little attention to me but no he only gets excited when fucking Sommer calls? And now that he's done talking to her he's fucking sleeping? Jesus. What have I got myself into?
Come on even the boy in the plastic bubble had a love in his life.2004-09-27
Im crazy in love with a boy but he does need work. He hasnt had a real relationship but he has had many "girls" shall we say. Yes it bothers me but we all have our pasts dont we? Sometimes I cant believe we are gonna get married and how fast it all happened. I think the drive to Angs house really cemented it. We had 30 hours to talk to eachother. So I think we really got to know eachother on that road trip. Ive completely fallen hard and sometimes its scarey. Can it happen this fast and is it ok? I hope so. I know it did for me but sometimes I worry that since I am the only girl to ever love him, according to him, that he has chosen too soon. Or that because of his lack of experience with love that he just said fuck it and went for it as if no other girl would or could ever love him. Maybe I should stop worrying so damn much and just go with it. Then again, it could blow up in my face. Yet I find myself wondering how it is that no girl has ever seen in him what I see...is that even possible? Its hard to believe.
Would you like some cheese with your whine?2004-09-26
I feel so alone and yet this house is full. I'm just hiding inside myself waiting for the courage to ask for what I want or hope that it will just come to me. The longing I have that he will hear my call without words. Feel my heart's yearning for love that will last the span of time. Sometimes I feel he is there listening to me and feeling me but then it fades as fast as it arrived. What can I say? You don't always get what you want, and you don't always want what you get.
I wish I had a tv dad.2004-09-20
That would be so nice. He could come sit next to my bed and say "how's everything going in your life hon?" Someone who really cared about me. A tv dad would be great.
This is really stressful. No job, moving into a new place and no cooperation. You can't live like a kid if you want to be an adult. Memories are great but you don't need a momento for every memory. Sometimes you need to just let go and live with with you have, what really matters, the memory itself.
HAPPY LINK TIME!
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